Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
