So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
