And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
