Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
