Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I will pee on everything he values.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
