my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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