8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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