Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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