i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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