i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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