I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
