Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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