and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
