We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
vagina is talking i cant
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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