i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize