I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
