Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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