Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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