honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
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after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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