If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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