She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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