im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I puked a lego.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
