so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
