im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
