Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
