sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
