i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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