i think my tv is drunk
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
