dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you traded sex for a burrito?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
