it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
