How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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