All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
