I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
