Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
