You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
