Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize