Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
