he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
