He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize