Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.