Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
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Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween