brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the condom got lost in my hair
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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