Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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