where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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