whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have aggressive nipples.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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