i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have fence marks all over my body
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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