U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
