i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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