After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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