Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
