She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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