3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
