The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
