Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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