who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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