Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
