franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
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Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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