I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
