I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
