I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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