And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
