Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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