Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
