I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
