ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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