It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
