thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
