so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
