I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So apparently I’m into choking now
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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