I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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