I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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