he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize