Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
