i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
