Define "chronic" masturbator.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
