when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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