Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
