Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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