Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
