that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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