why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
